Women Connect '12

I did my first link-up today to reach out and meet new bloggers. If you've found me from the link-up, welcome!  I'm pretty simple, so I figured I'd bullet point my life.

• Just turned 31 (gasp)
• Married to a God fearing man of almost 5 years
• Childless--struggling with infertility
• 4 dogs, 3 cats, and 3 turtles
• Clinical social worker
• AWANA director for t&t 
• Indiana AWANA ministry team member
• Pursing missionary position with my husband
• In the middle of my weight loss journey 
• Beginning to love jogging
• God is my number one
• Love coffee and diet Pepsi

Dreaming

I'm down for the count again with a sinus infection. I've been exercising the past seven days and have been eating within my caloric limits, yet I still gained 0.4 pounds this week. I'm feeling defeated right now because I can't maintain the motivation to have the life I want. I have no problem dreaming--it's the hard work that I have to put into my dreams.

I really wanted to be at 299 by January 1 and that's not going to happen now and it's totally my own fault. I started again in July this year with the hope that I would be at 299, but I didn't put forth that effort.

I have almost a full six months until my cruise and I WILL BE UNDER 300 POUNDS!!!!

What if?

When I was in the second grade I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life and set the goals I needed to accomplish them. I had my life mapped out until I was 27. The goals stopped there because I thought I would have the "perfect" life and would not need any more goals as life would have fallen right into place. What did my eight yeAr old self set as goals for myself?

1. Become a social worker
2. Get married at 25
3. Buy a house
4. Become a therapist helping children

I accomplished all of them, too, and by the deadlines I had given myself. I thought that life would just fall into place when I achieved those four goals by having children and living happily ever after. Obviously that didn't happen.

I was 27 when my world came crashing down around me. It was barely 2009 (February to be exact) when both my parents died within a week of each other and is had zero direction in my life. I was spinning out of. control. I had my parents debt as well as our own debt sinking us. We had been trying to get pregnant (TTC) with no luck and my weight just continued to climb.

We finally filed for bankruptcy in order to keep our house and sanity. I sought out a doctor to help me understand the infertility, which just reinforced what was already in my head: lose weight!!! You'd think just hearing that I need to lose weight in order to get pregnant would jump start my weight loss, but did it? NO!!!!!

I took me a whole year to try to lose weight and I lost 82 pounds, but stopped working out and gained most of it back. Here I am again trying to regain my life by changing my lifestyle. I have finally realized that I cannot just get the weight off--I have make this a lifelong change.

I'm scared that I have waited too long to make a change in life. What if I lose the weight and still can't get pregnant? What if I'm too old or if there is a different reason for infertility? What if I can't get below 200? What if...

Thanksgiving 2012

I did something this Thanksgiving that I have never done before: WORKOUT!!  I ate too much breakfast, but I still ate breakfast mindfully. We had a late lunch at my in-laws and again I ate mindfully.  

Did I go over my calories? Yes.  

Did I drink soda? Yes. 

Did I go a 5K after lunch? YES!

After lunch, Dwaine and I walked a mile with his mother and nephew.  We then finished the 5K with his 8 year old nephew. Once we walked, we went back to their house to talk about what everyone wants for Christmas and then headed home to shower.  We ended up at Wal-Mart at 7:30pm on Thanksgiving to do some serious shopping.  We stood and walked around that darn store until midnight.

I got an Ipad that night from the best hubby in the world as an early Christmas present and stayed up way too late playing on it, too!  When I finally woke up on Friday I was so sore I could barely move, stand or sit.  Ouch!  Those concrete floors really hurt my fat body.  

Next year I will do better!!

Snap your fingers

I'm glad the scale moved some this week, but it is no where I would like it to be.  I think I will be okay to lose weight for next Wednesday's weigh in because I don't have anything scheduled to come up and wreck havoc on my diet.  The next week is a whole other issue, though.  We have Thanksgiving at my in-laws and then a birthday dinner that following Saturday, so I am already super apprehensive about eating healthy then.  Life would be so much easier if I could just snap my fingers and fix what I think is wrong in my life, but then I probably wouldn't learn what is necessary along this journey that I am on.

                                                Via: http://philtherhythm.files.wordpress.com

So far along this journey I have found that I enjoy more of the healthier items then I ever have before.  For example, I love steamed broccoli and cauliflower and sauteed brussels sprouts.  Who would have ever thought I'd like brussels sprouts, let alone crave them??  I still cannot handle Fage yogurt, it's just too bitter for my liking. I am experimenting more and more with different foods and recipes.  I hope I can make this a true lifestyle change. Until next time...

Obsessive

I'm becoming a wee bit obsessive over the number on the scale. I've gotten myself into the habit of checking my weight each and every day. I then beat myself up when there's a gain! So stupid. I had hubby put the scale up so high that I would have to climb to reach it, and if you know me well enough, I don't climb. Hubby and I have always had weigh in Wednesday and that will be the only time I will allow myself to weigh for the time being.

On an awesome note, we finished our first 5k at home Saturday afternoon when it was absolutely gorgeous outside. I felt amazing!! We went walking a mile today and I was in excruciating pain. When I got home and took my shoes off I found blisters on the bottom of both of my feet and in the joint of my big toe. It hurt just to walk or hobble. Ugh I'm taking a few days off!